Tuesday, February 17, 2009


I'm afraid today I am feeling sorry for myself.
It hits me now and again. I'm sure alot of people feel this way.
I got to hold a week old baby yesterday. :(
I could just feel my insides balling up and screaming at me. They don't understand why they could not have a baby. They don't understand why this was denied to them. And frankly I don't either. You think you comes to terms with it and then out of nowhere it hits you.
I shouldn't be questioning it I know that. Don't you think I don't know that? I'm human and I want to know why?
I would be a good mother, I have a loving husband, a job, all the love in the world to give to a child of my own.
I long to have someone call me mom and not feel guilty about it. Is that wrong?
No I don't think that is to much to ask.
But it is since it's not my lot in life.
I love my step-son's with all my heart and I am glad I got to be a part of their lives. That they let me in, and love me. They are the BEST.
I love you guys and Thank you for a wonderful 12 years.
Ok I'm done now
God bless you all.
God Bless all the mothers out there who have had a hard time getting pregnant or a hard time keeping them. I know you will see them again and raise them.


momma24 said...

I love you

chillywilly said...

love you to. Just got a thing in the mail from some clinic in Great Bend about how they can help with infertility. Babies all over it. Pissed me off. I called and told them to take me off the mailing list. That they should really take better care of who they sent it to. Ugh. It seems when thats the one thing you are down about that you see babies and pergnant women all over the place ugh