Tuesday, February 17, 2009
I'm afraid today I am feeling sorry for myself.
It hits me now and again. I'm sure alot of people feel this way.
I got to hold a week old baby yesterday. :(
I could just feel my insides balling up and screaming at me. They don't understand why they could not have a baby. They don't understand why this was denied to them. And frankly I don't either. You think you comes to terms with it and then out of nowhere it hits you.
WHY? WHY? WHY?
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY NOT.
I shouldn't be questioning it I know that. Don't you think I don't know that? I'm human and I want to know why?
I would be a good mother, I have a loving husband, a job, all the love in the world to give to a child of my own.
I long to have someone call me mom and not feel guilty about it. Is that wrong?
No I don't think that is to much to ask.
But it is since it's not my lot in life.
I love my step-son's with all my heart and I am glad I got to be a part of their lives. That they let me in, and love me. They are the BEST.
I love you guys and Thank you for a wonderful 12 years.
Ok I'm done now
God bless you all.
God Bless all the mothers out there who have had a hard time getting pregnant or a hard time keeping them. I know you will see them again and raise them.