Dear Grandson,

I have become a little older since I saw you last, and a few changes have come into my life since then. Frankly, I have become a frivolous old gal. I am seeing five gentleman everyday.

As soon as I wake up, Will Power helps me get out of bed. Then I go to see John. Then Charlie Horse comes along, and when he is here he takes a lot of my time and attention. When he leaves, Arthur Ritis shows up and stays the rest of the day. He doesn't like to stay in one place very long, so he takes me from joint to joint. After such a busy day, I'm really tired and glad to go to bed with Ben Gay.

What a life. Oh yes, I'm also flirting with Al Zymer.

Love, Grandma

P.S the preacher came to call the other day. He said at my age I should be thinking of the hereafter. I told him, "oh I do that all the time. No matter where I am, in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the basement, I ask myself, "Now, what am I here after?"

Thinking ahead!

The local news station was interviewing an 80 year old lady, because she had just gotten married for the fourth time.
The interviewer asked her questions ab out her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80 and then about her new husband's occupation!
"He's a funeral director," she answered. "Interesting," the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.
She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all the those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she first married a banker when she was in her early 20;s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.
Astonished, the interviewer looked at her and asked, "Why didyou marry four men with such diverse careers?"
She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to go."

Murphy's Lesser Known Laws

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

The 50-50-90- rule: Anytime you have 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probabilty you'll get it wrong.

If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.

The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking a beer.

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Two Boys

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.
The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually.
So, the mother sent her 8 year old in first that morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?'

The boys mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide eye.
So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is
God!!?"

Again the boy made no attempt to answer.
So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boys face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in
BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing- and they think WE did it.!"

Enjoy, and make today count.

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